Almost Finished Project (for deactivation)

See You Smile

Verse:
It may have started with fun and games.
Everyday, always the same.
I never really thought that it’d come to this.
A moment in my life with utmost bliss.

Coz every time I see you smile.
You make my whole world all worth while.
And everyday I think of you.
My love for you, baby, is oh so true.

Verse:
I feel so lonely when we’re apart.
I might have fallen from the very start.
Now I realize all I wanna do
I’ll make you smile, whenever you’re blue.

Coz every time I see you smile.
You make my whole world all worth while.
And everyday I think of you.
My love for you, baby, is oh so true.

Bridge:
I could have wandered in search for another.
But I stayed and lingered to be with you forever.

I’m right here waiting, waiting for you.
Hoping that some day, you’ll smile for me too.

Coz every time I see you smile.
You make my whole world all worth while.
And everyday I think of you.
I pray that you, baby, make me smile too.

A Hazy Dream

Perhaps it’d had been clear

From the very beginning

As some may have seen

How things would have turned out

I would have wanted the same

But things aren’t just that easy

As everyone complains

The complexity is supreme

But what makes me happy

Is seeing truth in my dreams

Making them happen

As things fall in their rightful place

In some park I see us both

Green grass growing all around

Breeze sweetly kisses your face

Your hair is gently blown

As my hand caress your smooth skin

Time stood still

And the whole world witness

How my gentle touch sings songs of love

Oh sun, how lazily you shade things

In a bright orange-red hue

We watch as you give your final bow

Softly you whisper goodbye

The once sky-blue drape

Now covered with star-lit drop

One single spot shines through

A hazy dream it all was

Bato at Buwan

Tanglaw ko ang buwan sa makulimlim na kalangitan;

Sa liwanag niya ang mga bituwin ay natatabunan.

Halina’t ating pagmasdan ang taglay niyang kagandahan,

At hayaang sa simoy ng hangin tayo’y matangay.

Subalit ang buwan ay malupit at hindi mapagbigay.

Sa hindi niya kasundo siya ay lalayo.

Sa likod ng mga ulap siya’y magtatago.

Hanggang ang iyong pagtingi’y mawalay.

Siya’y may ibang nais makapiling.

Ang haring araw na kahit kailan ay di niya matatanglaw.

Ako’y batong hamak, sa lupa lamang nakabaon.

Humahangad na kahit minsan sa kalangitan makatungtong.

-Nagluluksang bata sa tula pumapatak ang luha. Aking hiling ito'y gawing lihim.

Movies' Life's Lessons

Just a few minutes ago, I watched a movie in TV. It was something about a Filipino family of today's times. I didn't really know what the title was but it's not that important for now. What struck me was how as I was watching it, thought what worth this movie had that I had to spend my precious time watching it. It would seem funny to note that on several occasions, I was somehow able to relate to it. Not that it was happening to my life today, but something in movies make me feel that everything that happens in my life has already happened to someone else before.

This brings to me to my point. I watch movies, other than for entertainment purpose, but also because it lessens the burden on me to reflect too much on what's going on with my life. It seems as though my laziness got the better of me, but on the contrary, if you do a secondary reflection, it even evoked me to reflect on the matter further, only this time, on the perspective of someone else's experience.

Ever wondered how we always want to know how the story ends? It seems to me that rather than making an ending for ourselves, it often better if someone else does it for us. And then our role comes in, as critics. We then reflect on how the ending fits or not to the whole story. Most often than not, we see the ending as how it fits to the story of the movie we are watching, which on some level, allows us to see how most people, including ourselves or not, would end something like this. But like on the level of primary reflection, we often put ourselves distant to the story we are reflecting upon. This allows us to be objective on the subject because we aren't the ones directly affected, which makes it easier for us to criticize whether it was appropriate or not. And besides, it wasn't us who made the ending anyway, someone else made it for us. We might have our own version that we would have wanted to happen, but it's their story and they have every right to end it as how they please.

Then upon further reflection, we then try to put the situation to a closer context. How then would the story end if it were us in it? Would the ending be fit for the story of our life? Now we come to the secondary reflection that allows us to look at the story at a closer and perhaps more meaningful context, at least for me. This then allows me to ponder upon whether I would have done the same if I were the one faced with that kind of situation. A lot, perhaps, would change since we are factoring in our own nuances in life.

This would be good if we do it. Most of the time, people (perhaps even me) halts upon finishing the primary reflection and leave the ending as it is. Omitting the secondary reflection from the equation would leave us with a cake half-baked. This robs us of our freedom to choose for ourselves.

Bear with me on this. Think for example if the same thing happens to us some time in the near future, we'd be seeing the whole experience in the context of the movie's story. Only this time, it's not the movie's characters who are involved but we. But if no secondary reflection has been made prior to this experience, it would be too late for us to think critically and decide without bias. Most of our decisions and actions would be patterned, along or against the movie we've watched, depending upon whether we found the ending suitable or not.

Now think, had we done the secondary reflection before hand and factored in our own nuances. Then perhaps when we face the situation this time, we'd have a whole array of arsenal to go up against the situation. The circumstances may vary but this time, several of our own characteristics have already been factored in so that the characters in the story are more like us than not.

Going back to my point, watching movies allow us to reflect upon our lives and allow us to experience something that we haven't experienced before in several occasions. This of course would only happen if we reflect deeper and place ourselves in the story itself rather than just watch it at the sidelines.

(unedited first draft)

Parcel of Triumph

Oh yeah! What a great way to start the year! Just yesterday, our Philosophy teacher returned our papers on death and freedom in relation to the film "Paradise Now." And if you're smart enough, then yes you might have guessed it. I got an A for it. I was really hoping to get and A in my classes and really did well in making it. It was my first A term paper in my Philosophy class and I'm very proud of it! I will make and earn more A's.

The entry with the title, 'Kamatayan at Kalayaan" is found several articles below, posted last December 22, 2007, Saturday. Enjoy!

Silent Treatment

I should have left but I stayed. There is no one else to blame but me. I put myself into this mess and now I’m paying the price. Was it all worth it? I’m thinking how I somehow knew this would be a possibility before I jumped into it and took that risk. And how I could console myself with those moments in case this would eventually happen? But I don’t know where to begin making myself feel better. I’ve never been in a predicament as low as this ever. And I don’t know how to get out from it. I’ve been so alone since. I don’t even know what lesson to from this experience. All I could hope for is for something better to happen. But for now, I could do nothing but endure this weight I’m carrying.

How could I even lighten this load? It seems so certain that I can’t just put it down and leave it all behind. I can’t find anyone to hold on to. I’ve lost everyone. I’d really like to think that because I knew you, I have been changed for good. But it’s just so hard to accept it when you know I haven’t.

I need an overhaul; a drastic remake. I can’t go on like this anymore.

THROUGH GOD WHO STRENGTHENS ME, EVERYTHING GOES RIGHT FOR ME; SO THAT WHATEVER HAPPENS, I’LL DEFINITELY ENJOY IT.

Another Time Killed

Call me crazy but I think these are the moments of my life when I have nothing else to do (Oh crap! My lab report..!) but sulk and bathe myself in extreme thought and ponder upon things that just pop in my mind. Christmas break just started and most of the people already went home. Here in the boarding house, the once crowded and busy place soon began to quite down as media players are turned off, television sets shut, and rooms closed and locked. People have allowed themselves, including their very presence, to be carried off with the spirit of Christmas.

It’s hard to follow them when a lot of stuff still lingers in my mind. The Christmas caroling rush of the Glee Club has now ended, and so the nights end so soon awaiting yet another Christmas morning of peace and solitude.

I busy myself with writing blogs and allow myself to explore the inner depths of my mind. A coping mechanism I’ve been using ever since I started my college years although recently, due to non-stop exams, projects, reports and whatnot, my blogging days have unfortunately ceased. Now that the attacks from my professors have ended, I now have more than enough time to busy myself with writing stuff down.

It just goes to show that I’m totally bored and have nothing to do, except perhaps clean my room and other non fun stuff. I could buy me a new PC game, coz I’ve always wanted to try out the latest installment of Need for Speed, I just don’t know if my PC would meet the demands of the game. Soon, I’ll get my chance to play it. Right now, I’ll just squeeze out everything that I could from this not-so-drained brain of mine.

Anyway, just this morning I woke up with a very pleasant dream. Would you believe it? I met my next girlfriend. She’s a friend’s friend whom I met at a friend’s birthday party. She’s about my height, sexy, as in not fat and not even chubby but not too skinny either, with long shiny hair and a very sexy smile. I’ll know her coz she has a younger brother whom I cursed at for doing something I bleakly remember, I think he took a book or something. A book for God’s sake and yes, I cursed him for that, before I realized he was my next girlfriend’s brother. Good job Dick!

At least I felt what I have been missing these past few years. At least at some point of my life right now, that spark still is alive. Another dream is yet to become a reality. I’ll be meeting her soon. And when I do, it will be heaven all the way. She’s been waiting for me as well, and if someone like her found someone like me, then everything would never be the same. Our hearts would take wing and we’d feel so alive. There’d be a new way to live, a new life to love, coz we’ve found each other.

Haha! Sounds familiar. But I’ll console myself with that thought. Now that I’ve been losing hope each day that passes. I would want to find a new light to follow. A new hope to hold on to. At least for now, before I return and become a better me.

Ika nga nila, ang buhay ay parang gulong… Wala lang, parang gulong lang. Gusto mo parang bubong? Sige, ang buhay ay parang bubong… Hehe! Ismayl ka na lang!

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