Hi guys, it is very unfortunate that until this very day, our internet connection at home is still under repair. I could only steal enough time in the office to respond to a few comments and visit a few blogs each day. It is a very sad thing that this catastrophe had to befall on us. Nonetheless as a responsible blogger that I am (or at least trying to emulate) I will try to update my blog somehow.

But then again, this is what I can offer you for the mean time. Just think you haven't heard this yet. And enjoy this as much as I enjoyed composing, recording, and singing this song.

Image by angelofmayhem via Flickr

I never really had the perfect chance to blog about something worth blogging. Perhaps because I’ve been overly preoccupied with stuff that may and/or may not have any significance at all. I guess nothing else matters now. What’s done is done and there’s really no need to wallow over things that can’t be undone. And enough with this excessively emo intro. What I’m here for is something that’s been on my mind the moment I opened my eyes early this morning. I just had so much to do and to think about (obviously about something else) that I it is only until now that I am somewhat compelled to keep this to writing. Just a side note: I find blogging fun. Uhmm, I actually don’t know where that came from but as crazy as I am, I just write and write and write and think then write and write some more.

Anyway, I’ll try to make this as casual as possible for I’ve been so sick (I mean, literally sick with the unavoidable flu. I say unavoidable because somehow, no matter how hard I try, it just keeps finding its way back to me. But then again, technically the flu virus cannot attack the same person twice so the flu virus I have right now is probably something different from the one I had a month ago. See how sickly I am these days? Anyway, were going way off topic now..). And being sick actually has nothing to do with the tone of this blog entry, hasn’t it? Anyway, it’s my blog and if you’ve gone this far, then prepare yourself for more incoherent ideas just popping and pooping here and there, every once in a while, whenever I see it fit (or not! Haha!).

Now really, on to what I really intended to write about. With mellow music in the background let me just set my mood. I listen to the radio too every now and then. Ding! Ding! Off topic! But if you’ve reached this far without being annoyed and lost, congratulations because I will definitely start my entry now.

In life, I consider almost everything I do as a game. But as they always say: It’s not whether you win or lose; it’s how you play the game [that counts. Haha! I got you! I won’t be talking about that! I just wanted to make sure that I don’t have that mindset that I always have to be triumphant in every game I join in although I strive, as much as I can, to win. Oh c’mon, who doesn’t? Of course, I’d want to play something that there’s at least a minimum chance of winning! I mean, if you’re sure to lose, why bother? But then again, this could be a topic for another blog which right now I have no intention of making. But we’re clear on that, ok? It’s how the game is played that makes that game as memorable as memories can be.

But here’s the deal, what if you’re competing against someone who’s not even playing? Guess what, it happens! Just as shit does!

As annoying as it may seem, I just have to play it until the end. How unfair can that be? I mean, you give it your best shot and then she ranks you up against someone who’s not even interested in taking part in it (And maybe because he already has a girlfriend. Uhmm hello!? Lady, your game’s over!). How naïve can she be? But wait, I’m already whining! *whining mode off*

But hey, this is just my nice way of saying, "Let's get it on! This is the one game I'm sure to win, and I mean definitely sure to win! "

(to be edited… if i feel like it...)

Isn’t it funny how you look at the night sky, serene and peaceful and yet you don’t see anything but the moon and the night clouds lazily floating about? And then you blissfully search for those brightest shining stars and yet you just don’t see any. But then all of a sudden a small glint catches your eyes and then you realize that there is but one star that shines faintly. So you try to make sense of that shining star, then slowly it glows more and more, twinkling each second that passes by and you just can’t help but be amazed at how you were able to take heed of its faint glow only when the brightest stars you were searching for can no longer be found, that all the time you knew that a star is there somewhere , in the vast endlessness of the night sky, waiting for you to take notice of its humble yet magnificent shine, but you fail to realize it because you were stuck and glued to searching for one bright star among the many that are as bright, that one bright star that may no longer even exist.

A few nights ago, I got out of bed and went to the riverbank, laid on my back, and stared at the sky. I knew I was waiting for that star, kinda like hoping incessantly to catch a falling star. It’s somewhat stupid really, when you know the odds of catching a falling star is minimal, how much more when you are actually expectantly waiting for a specific star to fall. A hopeless scenario, more like sad really.

After two hours of searching, waiting, hoping, and getting frustrated, disappointed, sad, and hurt, I got up and went back to bed and slept through the rest of my hellish ordeal.

I guess it’s just how it is. You have to love and get hurt, and get hurt until it’s numb, and feel numb until you don’t feel love nor hurt at all. Then you start to fall in love again, and hope that this time it would be for good, if not for better.

That’s when you realize that there are a lot more stars in the heavens above us. We just have to make sure that we never tire ourselves from constantly searching and being open to see what the night sky would have to offer. Once you see at least one more star, smile and be glad that you have found yet another gem in the sky, something that would be cherished and loved for the rest of this next chapter of our lives.

Holding on is essential only when you are certain that what you are holding on to is an immovable stretch of the boundless sky. Otherwise our hold would be weak and would not be enough to keep us whole. Thus learn to let go, for in letting go we acknowledge our weakness, and faith in ourselves that it is not only through this part of the sky that we can anchor our lives to. Definitely, the night sky is limitless and no one can stop us from anchoring ourselves on to another more firm and stable part.

What would you do? It’s tiring as it can be. What with all the stress that’s lurking everywhere ready to pounce anytime. You can never really be too careful these days. Anyone, not to mention everyone, could be it. We can never really know. How much would it take for me to see what lies ahead so that I won’t have to worry about tomorrow? I know it’s futile to worry about what will be rather than expending more time and effort resolving what is. But that’s the problem, instead of enjoying what is, I spend more time worrying and looking for ways to alleviate pain of yesterday that’s causing more problems today.

The Beleaguered Champion seeks to find a place to rest. Under the tree of answers, he wishes to lie underneath its shade. But in the scorching heat vast desert that he has traveled, in the viciousness of the jungle he’s been through, in the depths of the dark abyss, nothing but a void and empty space lies before him. It’s even more disturbing for despite its barrenness, there is always and there will always be something that will push him to the edge.

The Beleaguered Champion started by spending a tremendous amount of time training for what may lie ahead in his life’s adventure. Giving everything he has to offer, this hero wanted to be at his best when he faces the demons and monsters on his way. Nothing could possibly stop him and nothing will.

The Beleaguered Champion went into the immense ocean of oceans. There he met other champions just as he; eager and determined to topple every barrier that may come there way. However, in spite of the immensity of this area, there were only a few possible paths to take. And only a few would be able to go through it. Before this Champion knew it, he was fighting for his slim chance and his inalienable right to passage, against the others that came before and even after him. This isn’t a very pleasant sight. The steady flow of knights treading water was now drenched in thick blood drowning in their own despair.

Despite the horror, the Beleaguered Champion went on his way; weary from that great feat. He knew too well, that it wasn’t going to be the last. He knew that in every other field, battles have to be fought, won, and forgotten. Loss; he knew no such thing. In every step he makes, victory was his vision, faith was his shield, and hope was his sword. Coated in an armor of well-forged skill, no one can bring him down.

The Beleaguered Champion went on this excruciating journey, seeking the most appropriate spot to take the most amount of rest from time to time. But somewhere along his way, dust of confusion was lurking and growing, causing this hero to lose sight of his vision. Trying to regain control over everything before him, he insistently shook them off his feet, along with them everything he used to cherish. This foul mistake cost him a lot, and now his debts are due. Our Champion is now at a loss.

But this would not stop the Beleaguered Champion from moving on. Dragging his every step, he tried to get as far as possible and settle at a new site, either regaining old visions or forming new ones. Our Beleaguered Champion had to start again.

To be continued…

In no particular order.

A Movie/TV Personality

I always wanted to appear on TV and on the silver screen. It might have been a forgotten childhood dream. I always liked watching people on TV and I guess at some level I too want to be watched on screen as well.

A Theatre Performer (Singer, Dancer, Actor)

I like being watched. Uhmm, not that kind, you perv! Not being too egocentric, I just want to get attention. It's kinda ironic really but I learned in my Psychology class that I have these kinds of need, being an Type 9 - Achiever in the Enneagram and all. I guess that's why I joined the Ateneo College Glee Club, because I wanted to sing. But way back then, I didn't have enough confidence to sing on my own - singing solo. Talk about insecurity issues! Ha ha, I've had my share of those. Then I realized that I want to make a name for myself. An identity that goes along with my name - DICK. So I tried to do stage performing. That's when Entablado came into the picture. They held open auditions for the play "Buwan at Baril." It's about activism and all that. I auditioned and luckily I got in and played the role of the manggagawa (the [factory] worker). I wasn't a member of Enta when I first auditioned. The week after I joined them. I was aiming for the theatre workshops that come along with being a member, and of course the people who were in it. RIGHT! That same week, I realized I also wanted to do musical plays, after all, I always wanted to sing. Hence, I joined Blue Repertory, Ateneo's Musical Theatre Student Organization. What I great way of forging what I learned from Glee Club and what I get to pick up from Enta. BlueRep was another venue for me to hone my skills in the theatre scene. The people there are nice too, and pretty too! BUT HOW IN THE WORLD AM I GOING TO MANAGE ALL THESE?

A Good [Tango] Dancer

When I was young, I also wanted to dance but unfortunately I didn't seem to be that good at it. Although I can dance ballroom (Boogie and Tango), and a little bit of those other stuff. I wanted to enroll to a ballroom class for my PE but I there wasn't any slots left. I know I can dance, I just need more lessons to be that great.

A Hot Model

Hey, this is my dream! I can be whatever I want ok. So don’t give me that damn smirk! *end *

A Radio Disc Jockey

I was just fascinated by the idea of being someone who is heard but not seen. It kinda gives an aura of mystery in my character and personality. It can definitely get to the most hottest clubs and gimmicks and you know, all the privileges that goes along with the work. Wouldn’t it be nice if I were a DJ? I think it would.

An Artistic Photographer/Photo Editor

When I look at pictures I just imagine myself taking them and editing them to make them look awesome. I tried to do Photoshop tutorials but I feel that I still need to do things - hands-on. I think I can learn things better that way. But thinking about the costs of the materials, SLR camera, softwares, training, I'm having second thoughts now.

An Intelligent Programmer/Hacker

Ha ha! My ultimate genius dream. Not that I want to terrorize the world by sending viruses and all other pets. It's just fun to know how things (softwares, mostly games) work. Not that I want to cheat or anything, it's just nice to know how to make things run according to your rules. It's just like customizing things your way. Yeah, that's pretty much it, customizing..

A Network Administrator

Ha ha! Just another of those silly things I want to become. I don't know, maybe I want to start my own internet business or something like that. It's also great to know how to setup your own network at home and in the office! And being an administrator kinda makes me feel like a supreme being, or whatever.

A Website Designer

Well, also another of my dreams. Putting up my own website or designing other people's website would be great too. I could even get paid doing that. Wouldn't that be great. But where do I even begin?

A Flash Animator

Uhmm, I just want to know how to use Flash and know how to make Flash presentations, well, for presentations. Making animations would be fun too. Yeah, fun.

A Writer

Writing things is my way of letting things out and releasing stress. It's a good practice and it's a healthy coping mechanism. Writing great things is cool, way cooool.

A Great Lover

Who wouldn't?