I have been away from my blog for a long time, a week, more or less. And it made me feel very detached. I was active in interacting with other bloggers in the blogosphere though, and it was a very enriching experience meeting other bloggers, talking to them with ‘forum’-esque proportions in their own territorial domains, bugging and teasing each other.

You’re in my arms and all the world is calm, the music playing on for only two. So close together and when I’m with you, so close to feeling alive. A life goes by, romantic dreams will stop so I bid mine goodbye and never knew, so close, was waiting, waiting here with you. And now forever, I know, all that I wanted to hold you so close. So close to reaching that famous happy end, almost believing this was not pretend, and now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come so far we are so close. Oh how could I face the faceless days if I should lose you now? We’re so close to reaching that famous happy end, and almost believing this was not pretend. Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are, so close, so close and still so far.

Image by angelofmayhem via Flickr

I've contacted Inca about her works a few days ago, and she had gladly sent me her masterpieces. I have always been a fan, so without further ado, Inca's Gallery.

I especially like the last one!

All of these were done in 2008.

She says:

I had a drawing class and a photog class. Yung graphic thing, experimenting lang yun hehe.

The photo with me in it is part of a self-portrait triptych that follows the "See, hear, speak no evil" phrase. Instead of "evil", I decided to put the things I didn't like seeing, hearing, or speaking of.

The other 2 photos were taken at a historical site for a class project.

She will continue to make more! And we will be expecting more! Thank you Inca!

Quote of the Day:
"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream, not only plan, but also believe." -- Anatole France

• Copy the award image above.
• Pass it to the bloggers whom you think are deserving for this award.
• Leave a message to them.
• Pass as many as you want.
• Leave a comment to the person who give this award.

I'd really like to take this time to thank DedeAndro for this award. It is now my pleasure to pass this award on to the next deserving blogger.

And the award goes to... *drum roll* kim.

Thanks for giving me a wonderful experience with your blog. You made me feel a lot smarter with your posts. And it's not because we had a past relationship *cough* i am not that much guilty anymore! *cough* that I give this award to you. I really wish you would continue to write. I enjoy your emo-ness, NOT bordering on suicidal. Just know that you will always be original and no one can take that away from you. Not even that Joy girl, whoever she is. I'll still be a fan.

Now, it's your turn to pass it on. That gives me an excuse to force you to continue to blog. Please, when you make a post about this, make it as interesting as the other posts you made! Cheers!

As promised, I have uploaded my song so that everyone can listen to it.

Get the lyrics here.

EDIT: Media already available. Click here to listen.

I have been listening to a lot songs lately and they've got me singing. My latest creation to date: Open Up.

I have been so inspired that after writing this song today, I immediately recorded it. And for added bonus, I added an accompaniment; and with further extra, I attempted to add backup.

Unfortunately, our internet is going wonky again, and would not allow me to upload my new song. I will try to upload it again tonight and hopefully it should be available by then.

Quote of the Day:

"The belief in a thing makes it happen." -- Frank Lloyd Wright

Song List:

1. Last Song - A Capella
2. Let The Pain Go Away - A Capella

I find it really curious to wake up in the middle of the night and suddenly get hit by a blogging inspiration. How weird is waking up at early dawn, around 4AM (yes, since by MY definition, night means the whole duration of your sleep, considering you aren’t a vampire, e.i. you sleep like everyone else starting in the late evening and waking up at early morning the next day), hearing the DJs on the radio talking about the previously famous (and now made even more famous because of his sudden death – on my birthday nonetheless) MICHAEL JACKSON where somehow they also managed to mention GRAVITY somewhere along the course of their discussion about something I couldn’t really remember (yes, I listen to the radio – Monster Radio, RX 93.1 – even when I sleep, so don’t you dare tell our landlady that I’m sorta, kinda, but not quite wasting precious electricity, which by the way is an energy resource that needs to be conserved due to scarcity issues and whatnot – I know, I’m not perfect).

So, as I looked at the wall clock staring blankly at me with hands pointing at an angle which would supposedly mean a few minutes past 4 in the morning, my mind rushed through thoughts much like a scheduled virus scan which suddenly pops up when you least expect it, searching through banks and banks of memory for something that you don’t normally find on occasion. Only this time my mind was going on auto-pilot searching the best ideas I kept about Gravity and all. Then… after a second or 30, Gravity sunk its imprints on to my very core. I could only imagine how drastically different our lives would be without it, how worlds would unimaginably crash into each other’s orbits (or would there still be any) without it or fly infinitely away from each other without it (whatever!), and how cosmically chaotic everything would be without Gravity.

Well, that’s just me thinking about a life without gravity (but then again, the omniscient and boundless God we believe in would probably think of something to tie it all again). Let’s just limit our fictitious thoughts to the time when we suddenly lose the force of gravity to the time before God would give us something to replace it with and make things better again.

OK, moving on. Remember how gravity attracts two objects with mass? There’s supposedly physics involved in it; I’m sure you can google it yourself. The point is this force exists to make things stable, to give some order into our own existence; why no matter how high you throw the ball, it’ll always fall back to the ground; why no matter who you are, how high your status is, we all still hit the ground hard when we fall. That’s all there is to it, really. No matter how much you build your life on something, it will always come (sometimes even crashing) down. Alright, for those optimistic ones, think of it as something like, no matter how busy or hyped up or high your life becomes (in terms of career, love, money, or whatever), it will always fade down into ease someday. Life becomes a roller-coaster because of Gravity. Basically, Gravity makes our life more interesting!

And like Death, Gravity is another one great equalizer. Like Death, no one escapes Gravity. Like Death, Gravity has its force on us, and we are powerless to defy it. We can dare resist it, but ultimately, we will all fall, and die.

So I immediately got up, paced my way through the quiescent silhouettes of my room and curiously searched the internet. Interestingly, I found out that Michael Jackson is still special, despite his being him. He may not have escaped Death, but he surely found an ingenious way of defying Gravity.

Wanna know how he did it? Check this out.

Scan through it. The images will tell you everything. Notice the Jackson et al under the United States Patent label on the upper left!

Rest in Peace, MJ. You've had a hell of a roller-coaster life. You've reached the highest height of your career, and you may have faced the most troublesome ones in your life. You definitely went up, and you're also definitely going down in history.

Last night, the 9-day (actually night) novena for my mom had finished. It’s been 10 days since we cremated her body and placed her ashes inside a box. You could only imagine how a human body could easily be reduced to a handful of dust. It’s already been 14 days since her last breath, and tomorrow, on my birthday, my mother who was with me for 22 years would be 15 days dead. It’s ironic really, for me to be celebrating life on the one hand, when on the other, I’d be mourning my mother’s death. But it’s really that simple, life goes on. Come to think of it, death does so too. But then again, we’d have our philosophical differences here and we’d end up discussing something else when in fact I’d like to talk about another.

Anyway, I’ve been on blog/text/chat/email sabbatical for a week. I guess it is part of the ritual that people do when they experience a life-turning event. And for me to talk about it in such a casual tone now would lead you to think that I’ve been able to cope well with everything I’ve had to face. I’ve been strong, thanks to all of your support. I really appreciate your warm texts and messages of encouragement and concern. Although I wasn’t able to reply to all of you, know that I really am very grateful and I feel so lucky to have you as friends. I’m taking this time now to say thank you to you all.

This is actually a day delayed blog entry. The thing is, yesterday, we lost our internet connection due to whatever reason globe can think of (or maybe they did have some technical problem or perhaps it was just the regular system maintenance). In any case, I wasn’t able to share this with you the day before.

I believe you can say that this would be another start of my blogging escapades (yeah right!), since I think I’m now ready to get back on track and pick up from where I left everything off. I’d like to think that new things have opened up to me despite the others that have closed.

Last week, I started work with Azeus. If you don’t know what that is, google it. Google is your best friend (next to what’s-her-name). Anyway, it’s been a mix of fun and tough lessons. Yeah, we’ve been training for more than a week now. And tomorrow, we’ll have our final exams for this specific lesson that I am not telling, ‘coz you might say that we’re such pussies having a hard time on something that you find easy to do. Spare me the criticisms, I’d rather not hear what you have to say (so it won’t hurt me) – based on a personal experience that I haven’t been too keen on forgetting. (Talk about bitter!)

I am supposed to be preparing for that exam now, but knowing me, I’ll always have the time of my life for anything and everything (that I want, that is).

Yeah, I guess that’s what’s been keeping me busy all this time, keeping my mind off things, and giving me something else to look forward to. But you know what, no matter how strong your façade seems, there will always be that weak spot that when hit would make the whole fortress crumble. Yeah, I cried. And I guess I needed that.

…

But hey, I took some pictures while we were on break earlier, and look at how the view is like on the 29^th floor.

That’s it for now.

Day by day, the world is aging. And as it goes down this inevitable path, change accompanies it. In every possible way, we are part of that changing process be it for long-term or not. What are we doing to change the world? A lot of us don’t even stop and wonder how our actions cause such changes. But then again, thinking about how our small decisions and choices affect the whole lives of each living and non-living thing on this massive piece of rock floating casually but at the same time so precise with its every movement in the immensity of our universe, isn’t such an easy feat. So in response, I propose to think small and let the effects ripple a hundred fold with everything we do. Just like dropping a piece of rock in the middle of the lake, let each little thing we do resonate not only through space amongst persons but also transcend through time across generations.

Charismatic as it may sound; I think this is how we all should think, to leave a significant legacy that helped make the world a better place.

Alright, I’ll cut the crap. I’m not really that aggressive about changing the world. Let’s be honest, not all of us are that hard-hitting when it comes making a global, let alone nationwide, impact. But somehow it worries me that there are a lot of others like me, or perhaps even worse. I really wouldn’t say I’m the one of the totally worthless type of those ungrateful citizens or one of those totally pathetic and callously passive sloths. Right, I still have some heart and sensitivity in me, and I’m definitely sure, there are others like me. And to those who are at the lower end of the concerned-ness spectrum, I call you to make a stand for yourself, to help change the world.

Fine, perhaps going out to peaceful demonstrations is not our kind of game, yet. So let’s start something small, work our way up to more assertive and compelling acts, and leave our so-called legacy upon this lovely land we tread.

How about starting by being grateful about every little thing that comes our way? I mean, having this kind of positive disposition would tremendously change the way we look at our daily experiences and perhaps that of others. Imagine being thankful to each person that does a good deed to you, and meaning it. I just realized how we sometimes take our mom’s delicious cooking for granted, for instance. How much would it cost us to say thank you for the scrumptious meal? “Thanks mom, the meal was delicious. I really loved the tender meat.” Or whatever it is that made your meal sooo delish! Well if your mom doesn’t cook that well, then at least be thankful for being fed. Just be thankful. ;)

Earlier today, I had a haircut, and you know how hair salons have to shampoo and condition your hair first before actually trimming and styling your hair, right. Sometimes, the one giving you the shampoo and the whole conditioner treatment also throws in a head massage. And you’d want that. It’s relaxing. And it makes you feel good. It put a smile on my face, and I immediately thought of being thankful to the lady giving me the shampoo, conditioning, AND massage. Right after she was done, I instantly put on my best grateful smile and said thank you. “Thank you for the massage, I know others don’t throw in the extra service.” She just smiled, and all went well. After the stylist was through trimming and styling, they’d have to rinse my hair. Oftentimes, that’s all you really get, a simple rinse. But this time, the lady earlier threw in more shampoo, conditioner, and even a few minute head massage. And I thought to myself, for the simple smile and the act of gratitude, I got this.

So I was thinking, what more could I get and do for the world if I magnified that simple gesture?

. . .

Quote of the Day:
“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” -- William Arthur Ward

I must say, it might have been the most interesting week I’ve had so far. No wait, perhaps I should say, the most interesting summer I’ve had so far to include the totally unanticipated two-week vacation I had in the province to the totally eventful week I had back in the metro. It wasn’t the most perfect of all summers since there were some costs and other opportunities foregone, but then again, as my Economics Teacher way back in High School would always say, “There is no such thing as a free lunch!”

You can never really get something for nothing, and you’d have to believe it, nothing in this world is free. There will always be a cost to everything you do, be it as little as failing to see an old friend pass by because you blinked or as grandeur, or more like senile, as dying due to bungee jumping off the Victoria Falls Bridge in Zimbabwe without cords. These past weeks, the costs to my ridiculously insane bliss were virtually nothing compared to what I got in return. Then again, costs are something you miss, and sometimes these are opportunities that could have led to something else… for the better? We’d never know. All there is that we can do is be grateful and be happy for every choice we make.

. . .

It’s true that going back the province did cost me a few thousand pesos, but what’s money when you can see your family all together for the first time in almost a decade of disconnection. I guess, other than the fact that the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony did unite two persons in love with God as the center and all that, it also brought all of us together, united in celebration of this momentous event. You see I also have a few relatives living in the southern part of the country. Being that they are in Davao, I do not see them as often as the ones I grew up with in Cebu and in Ormoc. My sister’s wedding was the evident glue that gathered and bound us despite miles of seas that separate us.

But then again, the cosmic turn of events doesn’t always spin to our favor. My mother, who’s currently struggling with all of her, and our, might to fight the threatening disease that plagues her now frail body, was rushed to the hospital a few days before the wedding. The monster that is Cancer really is a snide and sinister dis-ease. My mother wasn’t able to witness the wedding, and so did my dad who was with her the whole time.

. . .

The week after, I was supposed to go back to Metro Manila to have the interview with HP. Sadly, there weren’t any available low cost tickets. Almost all of the ones available cost around 5k which was terribly expensive especially during this time when we are faced with my mom’s condition. I wasn’t able to get back to Manila for the interview. I had to call HP and cancel the whole application.

Despite this, another door opened as I was able to spend the best days of my life with my cousins whom I haven’t seen for what seemed like a lifetime. Ties were once again strengthened as we spoil ourselves each day going to the beach, lounging about at home, playing various games on the PSP and on the PC, camwhoring… and the list goes on.





. . .

I eventually got back to the metro a week ago. Everything went smoothly except for the flight. The 2 hour delay would have been an easily forgivable and forgettable scene, but flying in a stormy dusk would be a different case. Of course, no one could be blamed for it; it’s just a display of fate’s sneaky tricks on us mere mortals.

Imagine. As you soar through the grayish shaded sky, you would wish you were asleep the whole duration of the flight to gain immunity from the noise of the aircraft’s engine, of babies crying, and of the harsh cackles of the plane as it passes through a heavily clouded space. The phrase “dark clouds” now actually has a completely new connotation. You can only close your eyes and cry out with your loudest INNER voice, since you won’t be helping every other person calm themselves as you begin chanting every Saint’s name you know and reciting prayers of litany-esque proportions invoking almighty powers of salvation. No, you’d want to keep it to yourself to and save everyone the panic as the airplane shakes in turbulence and while bolts of lightning parade themselves across the sides of the plane almost every second. For one hour, you’d have nothing else to do but that.

Luckily, you feel the strong connection between you and your God, that after an hour, you would still be stepping foot on solid ground while an air of security would drape around you as you make your way to the luggage conveyer belt. The rest of the passengers would also seem composed considerately striving to project an impression of poise and serenity. However, you could still manage to see a slight twitch on their brows and rash shaking of their knees. Perhaps the whole traumatic experience heightened your senses, or maybe you just don’t have anything else to do while waiting for your luggage but passively watch others.

As you pace through the exit, you see a long winding line of people waiting for cabs. No other means of transportation is readily available. You don’t have a car, and you don’t have anyone else to pick you up. Added to that, you haven’t had dinner yet. Finally, you get your turn at the front of the queue, and in the end you get to your house, tired and maybe even frustrated.

Well, then again, that may have been an overly dramatic way of saying that it was a bad trip. The good thing is, you’re alive.

. . .

Later in the week, another company called me for interview. P&G scheduled an initial interview being that I passed their assessment and the reasoning tests they administered. I eagerly went to their office that Friday. Everything would have been nice save for the fact that I lost my phone (it slipped off my pants’ pocket) plus heavy rain and strong wind would welcome me as I alight from the bus to their office. I had to spend 10 minutes under such harsh conditions running about and making my way to their building.

The interview itself was interesting. The interviewer was also interesting. In short, I had fun. Every other thing that happened to me earlier that day just dissolved and vaporized. Honestly, it was some form “mind over matter” thing. I’m sure it’d be helpful on several other occasions.

. . .

On a lighter note, the day after, I had to go to Ortigas for the Medical Exam for Azeus. This time, everything really was fine. It did showered a little but it was bearable, making the wind cool and breezy. I went to a friend’s office and had fun having a photo shoot. It was my first session and it was free. Ain’t that amazing?

Later that day, I met up with my cousin and she lent me her phone. I bought myself a new SIM and everything was alright. Her mom bought me my first dozen of Krispy Kreme donuts which I munched all by myself. It made me feel so much better… way better!

. . .

Providentially, we were able to play as studio contestants in the highly patronized game show in Philippine Television to date. Monday of the following week would be our taping schedule for “Pilipinas, Game KNB?” We actually had our slot transferred to another date thrice already. We couldn’t play the first time, since I was still in the province, and we couldn’t play the second time because, uhmm, I was still in the province. We weren’t able to play the third time because a lot of other teams were there to play and we weren’t at the priority list even though we were there in the ABS-CBN studio already. Nonetheless, it was fun just being there, dancing and howling with the other talents. It wasn’t too bad anyway; we were able to see some of our famous friends, Robi, to name one.

Finally, we got in and played the game for real. Unfortunately, we weren’t blessed enough to get through to the 2M Bonus Round. Another team played better.



Now I have 5K (consolation). Hey, it’s still 5K and enough for me to get a new phone in place of the one I lost. I still believe that God really does still provide and everything shall still fall in place. Everything that happened to me so far, is part of the grand design of my life; one part of it, out of my own craft, the other, that of fate. All is fair and just.

Verse:
It may have started with fun and games.
Everyday, always the same.
I never really thought that it’d come to this.
A moment in my life with utmost bliss.

Coz every time I see you smile.
You make my whole world all worth while.
And everyday I think of you.
My love for you, baby, is oh so true.

Verse:
I feel so lonely when we’re apart.
I might have fallen from the very start.
Now I realize all I wanna do
I’ll make you smile, whenever you’re blue.

Coz every time I see you smile.
You make my whole world all worth while.
And everyday I think of you.
My love for you, baby, is oh so true.

Bridge:
I could have wandered in search for another.
But I stayed and lingered to be with you forever.

I’m right here waiting, waiting for you.
Hoping that some day, you’ll smile for me too.

Coz every time I see you smile.
You make my whole world all worth while.
And everyday I think of you.
I pray that you, baby, make me smile too.

Oh yeah! What a great way to start the year! Just yesterday, our Philosophy teacher returned our papers on death and freedom in relation to the film "Paradise Now." And if you're smart enough, then yes you might have guessed it. I got an A for it. I was really hoping to get and A in my classes and really did well in making it. It was my first A term paper in my Philosophy class and I'm very proud of it! I will make and earn more A's.

The entry with the title, 'Kamatayan at Kalayaan" is found several articles below, posted last December 22, 2007, Saturday. Enjoy!