I should have left but I stayed. There is no one else to blame but me. I put myself into this mess and now I’m paying the price. Was it all worth it? I’m thinking how I somehow knew this would be a possibility before I jumped into it and took that risk. And how I could console myself with those moments in case this would eventually happen? But I don’t know where to begin making myself feel better. I’ve never been in a predicament as low as this ever. And I don’t know how to get out from it. I’ve been so alone since. I don’t even know what lesson to from this experience. All I could hope for is for something better to happen. But for now, I could do nothing but endure this weight I’m carrying.

How could I even lighten this load? It seems so certain that I can’t just put it down and leave it all behind. I can’t find anyone to hold on to. I’ve lost everyone. I’d really like to think that because I knew you, I have been changed for good. But it’s just so hard to accept it when you know I haven’t.

I need an overhaul; a drastic remake. I can’t go on like this anymore.

THROUGH GOD WHO STRENGTHENS ME, EVERYTHING GOES RIGHT FOR ME; SO THAT WHATEVER HAPPENS, I’LL DEFINITELY ENJOY IT.