Almost Finished Project (for deactivation): I'm Sorry.. I didn't tell you..

I'm Sorry.. I didn't tell you..

Thursday, last week, my mother passed away. I didn’t tell anyone. I was scared. I didn’t know who to tell. I didn’t know what to say. I kept it to myself. I secluded myself from your lives.

I didn’t mean to offend anyone; it was just hard for me at that time. My family was far from me and at that moment, I really felt alone. When I got the chance to tell some people about it, I got scared of how they were going to react to it. I didn’t want to spoil their day or anything. I mean, I know you have your own baggage to carry, and I didn’t want to dump mine unto you. I felt that I needed to carry it on my own.

I was so good at diverting my attention to other stuff that I managed to pull it off. I didn’t want to cry, I detest crying. It’s just too painful. And I thought that telling it would just sever the sanity that kept me going on my own.

A lot of people know me as someone with a happy disposition; and held on to that.

I went back home to be with my family over the weekend, and I just got back. My mom was cremated last Sunday, and we kept her ashes at a church back in Mabolo, Cebu.

I thought I could hold back my tears, but I was wrong. Seeing my mom for the last time was the most painful thing I had to experience in my life. And I had to live through it. I must.

My mother died of cancer, she was 56. She had to fight the disease for two years, undergoing therapy sessions and medications. My mom was a strong and brave mother. She was able to witness my graduation, despite her condition then. And although she wasn’t at my sister’s wedding, she was still with us to see my Ate marry the man she loves.

For those who asked, I lied. I was not OK. And I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what I was doing. I’m really sorry. :’(

We are still praying for my mother. I hope you will also pray for her. Thank you.

I never said goodbye to my mom. I don’t think I had to. All I had to say was, “I love you.”

2 proposals:

Noel the sexy beast said...: Yo dude. Nice blog. I know how you feel. My dad passed away last year from cancer pud, same age 56. Stay strong. Nice to see you're holding a successful job at a big time company. I'll visit once in while para mu increase imo traffic. Balato naman diyan hehe; July 30, 2009 at 11:54 PM
CK Espanol said...: Hi Noel, the sexy beast.. ;) I hope you check out my new song..
Click here..
Hehe, siyempre pinopromote ko talaga..

Sure thing, papainom ko..! ;); August 2, 2009 at 3:11 PM

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