After pathetically browsing through some of my friends' blogs and photos (pathetically), and oh did I mention it was so pathetic? I didn’t have to hide myself from their radars by reading it under some other fictitious account with a very suspicious sounding name and a photo of some celebrity (how sad!). But not as sad as those other more pathetic people who just make an account without any photo, no nothing whatsoever and use it to stalk people. And c’mon. What for? You slimy balls of bitches. Oh wait, do bitches have balls? I just made that up so live with it! Anyway (after that very uber long parenthetical thought), I’ve realized a few things. I have some issues. Wait, make that a lot of issues. And please don’t tell me this is an emo blog entry, coz it’s not! Shit that’s one more issue on my list.

What’s gotten into me? I’ve become the world’s, oh wait make that the Universe’s (World’s) Most Pathetic Guy with Issues. Crap, it sounds so annoying and wrong. Just the thought of it makes me sick. Rambling! Ding!

Next thought. I just had to stop myself. I can’t dwell on those kinds of stuff, they’ll just make me feel sad, and then before I realize it, I have a knife on my hand and a cut wrist on the same hand. Now that’s something. Just a quick question. Who among you here can hold a knife in one hand? I see a lot can do that. Good job! But who among you can hold a knife in one hand and cut your wrist on the same hand at the same time. If you can do that, don’t bother telling me coz that’s just too freaky!

I watched an episode of some sitcom in StarWorld a while ago. And the guy is marrying his girlfriend-bestfriend. Oh nothing, it just got me thinking for a minute there.

Break. I just couldn’t let myself sink in to stuff that matters. Well, to me it doesn’t matter at the moment I’m thinking about it, but when I get back to it, it suddenly feels important. I think this is the real experience of thought. Something that just keeps on flowing, but then somewhere amidst the gushing of ideas, a mere glint of what was astoundingly fills the whole void that is. Rambling!

This is me, with no sleep and no _____ (I just couldn’t say it… You fill in the blank!). Life’s more than this, I’m sure! But what more can I get? What more do I deserve? Ha! Stupid thing to ask! Might as well strike a pencil through my throat and see if it kills me. Damn, what with all this allusion to death? Have I gone insane after how many months of no blogging? Just letting all these inside bottling up and waiting to explode but can’t coz _____ (Again, you fill in the blank)…

I’ve been a mess, and I’ll be a mess if I won’t do anything about it. Accepting it is something, even if it doesn’t really take any physical actions, it still counts as doing something. But then again, if I just let it as it were, then where’s the human intervention in there that should almost always cross the path of fate. That’s what we humans are right? A cross-point of the what is and what ought to be. But where am I going to start? At what is? Or at what ought to be?