It’s been an our and a half now but, I can only manage to write a few sentences before I replace them with new lines and then erase them after a paragraph or so. It’s really weird when I know I have so much to write but few words come out. Could it be that I am blocking my thoughts and suppressing my emotions or am I just off today, or more like for weeks now. My efforts of filling this site with thoughts have only gotten me so far. Those crap I’ve placed here and this one as well.

Forgive my babbling. I’ve only realized recently that I’ve only been babbling ever since. When I’m excited, when I’m sad, frustrated, annoyed, and those emo stuff that comes and goes every so often. i never thought of being so emotional, for I’ve always considered myself the thinking type and not the feeling type. But unfortunately, I’ve somehow changed. And I can’t really say I like it. It’s not nice to be so sensitive and melodramatic over stuff (now, I’m feeling a surge of bitterness and a bit of anger, I hope it doesn’t consume me…) that you have no control over. It’s just a waste of time and energy. It’s sad. I mean, being like than when there really isn’t any need. Peace of mind is what we need.

(I’m not making any sense, am I? At least that feeling of bitterness has subsided a bit. I wonder what’s next.) Okay, I never really had a chance to let my thoughts and emotions out. And keeping them all bottled up is the last thing I’d want to do.

How fragmented can I get? Having all these bad days can really get to you, you know. Just when you think you’re over something, some other things just keep tying you to it that you wouldn’t know how to deal with them because you thought that you’ve dealt with it but apparently you haven’t. Never mind.

Are some things really better kept unsaid? It’s kind of a playing-it-safe thought. Now that I’m on the rougher side of life, I’ve become the gambling type. I also can’t say that I like it.

I’ve lied a couple of times, but when I say I’m telling the truth, I am. I’m no deceitful guy. And I’ve always been open.

I used to think I know what makes me happy? I used to think I know what’s most important to me. But lately I’ve been feeling so lost and down. And I don’t know how to get up, partly because I’ve secluded myself and also because I don’t know where to go next. For the first time, I’m stuck.

I seem to know what’s keeping me. I want to be free, but I’m scared to try.

The immortal-skirmisher isn’t so immortal after all. And for the first time, I’ve realized what my weakness is.

Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.

I wish you all the best of luck.